The Beer With A Golden Ticket


James: The other week super-awesome-mega self proclaimed Irish Yankee drinking band Ceann was making a rare tour stop in NJ, at my freakin college. I was so pumped, I really love these guys and their music. With songs like ‘Pabst Blue Ribbon’ containing lyrics like “Get ready for the show stopper/We’ll sing along with Dennis Hopper/Heineken, man fuck that shit, Pabst Blue Ribbon is the beer that keeps on Giving/For Such a modest price you get a beer you drink twice.”

Needless to say, I was ready to drink my fill of Pabst and then some. I went to two local liquor stores to score the beer of steel works and scenesters but came up empty. At the second store, I saw what I figured would be close enough: Golden Anniversary Beer. Pabst got a blue ribbon in 18xx, Golden Anniversary got a golden medal in 1987. Both cost like $5 a twelve pack. It was on.

I wish it was off. I can honestly say, this is the worst beer I have ever purchased. It tasted like water with beer and tin can flavorings, and probably was left over from the originally award winning 1987 batch stored in old diesel drums. Trying to choke them down at a party, a man known to wear and sleep in the same clothes for a week exclaimed that it was the worst beer he had ever tasted. It’s really that bad. (The only thing keeping it from being the worst beer that I’ve ever tasted is because I brew my own and did an experiment involving 10 pounds of malt and distillers yeast. It was so foul no known human could finish even one.)

Jess: I had our usual “taster’s shotglass” of this stuff, and I have to say that Golden Magic Ticket beer is probably the worst beer I have ever had. I have quaffed the likes of natty, of bud, of god knows what else during my tenure at college but this stuff tastes like yak urine and not in the good way. If there is a good way. I hate to be crass here but I’m pretty sure this beer actually causes every single problem in the entire world just by existing. Little kid with a hole in his shoe in India? Golden Anniversary Beer. Bee population plummeting? Golden Anniversary Beer. I really, really, REALLY tried to pretend it was drinkable, but I couldn’t get past one sip. At college events they should provide this if they don’t want us getting drunk. Seriously.


Bottom Line: Buying Golden Anniversary Beer leads to sad dissapointment and that crunched up “That is awful” look. $5.99 for a twelve pack.

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One response to “The Beer With A Golden Ticket

  1. PBR is the best American macro piss water lager. It’s only worth buy if you’re broke, but it’s definitely better then Bud and Miller and anything mexican. Cheaper too.

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